A video blog from Today's Adventure in Manassas Bog.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Growing in Intimacy
I suppose sometimes growing feels a lot like failing.
I think in a lot of areas of life I find that I learn more from my errors than from the things I do right. And in this case, I am learning to be in a relationship with God.
It is something that I did very well for quite some time. I was great at just being in love with Him because honestly, I felt in love with Him. Rough times happened, especially when mental health came on the line, I needed Him, I got mad at Him, but I always came back to Him. It was a relationship.
These past few months, nothing as dramatic as anxiety attacks in a foreign nation has occurred. But something perhaps even more deadly to faith. And that is complacency. I have found that I got to a place where I didn't feel the presence of God. And I sought it...but couldn't find it.
Over a LONG time of introspection and asking wise people in my life...I think I figured out a few general points that I have been learning (not always living...but it's one step at a time).
She basically said that the key to having a relationship with God is seeking a relationship with God. Intentionally seeking it. I have been busy...so very busy...with perhaps things that don't really matter. But I somehow manage to fill the hours of the day and the space in my mind so well, that all I can do is shove God to a small corner of my heart that I access during my "quiet time" once a day.
What kind of relationship is that? A marriage would never work if you said, "Honey, I give you from 7-7:30 each morning and the rest of the day is mine. Oh, I will talk about you during the day, but we meet in the mornings" It doesn't work that way. To be truly in love with God is to invite Him into every aspect and moment. And that takes time, mental space, planning, and intentionality. It is exhausting...and I am failing at it.
But I think that means I am growing.
I think in a lot of areas of life I find that I learn more from my errors than from the things I do right. And in this case, I am learning to be in a relationship with God.
It is something that I did very well for quite some time. I was great at just being in love with Him because honestly, I felt in love with Him. Rough times happened, especially when mental health came on the line, I needed Him, I got mad at Him, but I always came back to Him. It was a relationship.
These past few months, nothing as dramatic as anxiety attacks in a foreign nation has occurred. But something perhaps even more deadly to faith. And that is complacency. I have found that I got to a place where I didn't feel the presence of God. And I sought it...but couldn't find it.
Over a LONG time of introspection and asking wise people in my life...I think I figured out a few general points that I have been learning (not always living...but it's one step at a time).
- "God, doesn't move, you move"-FALSE. God moves a lot...we just have to be sure we are going in the same direction as Him. Sometimes like the young woman in Song of Solomon, God calls us to go with Him, and we just let Him move forward without us.
- But, when we are ready, and see our error, He will always come back to meet us where we are.
- Just because you don't feel the presence of God, doesn't mean you aren't in it. And sometimes, God will withhold the feeling because we get addicted to that. We want the power of the Spirit more than the Living God Himself...
- Seek and Ye Shall Find- TRUTH! But be sure you are seeking God, not the experience, the giver of gifts, or the god we want Him to be.
- Be intentional. Invite Him into the every day. Be disciplined and yet, spontaneous, and have faith.
She basically said that the key to having a relationship with God is seeking a relationship with God. Intentionally seeking it. I have been busy...so very busy...with perhaps things that don't really matter. But I somehow manage to fill the hours of the day and the space in my mind so well, that all I can do is shove God to a small corner of my heart that I access during my "quiet time" once a day.
What kind of relationship is that? A marriage would never work if you said, "Honey, I give you from 7-7:30 each morning and the rest of the day is mine. Oh, I will talk about you during the day, but we meet in the mornings" It doesn't work that way. To be truly in love with God is to invite Him into every aspect and moment. And that takes time, mental space, planning, and intentionality. It is exhausting...and I am failing at it.
But I think that means I am growing.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Burning it Up
I feel like every blog from here on out is going to be about how fast the time has passed. But boy, I feel like September just burned up in a instant.
Namely it is because I joined a gym and have been going to workout classes every morning at 5:30 am but also because of the pup.
She is well, and we spent the whole day together in the nearby town playing in parks and eating out at open air restaurants, and walking around meeting new people. She was abused before I got her, so I am teaching her that people are good. (she only barked at two today...so we are getting better).
I just got the email to register for my spring classes...and I was thinking in all my current fatigue," do I really want to"? But I better go ahead and sign up before I think too much about it. I will finish my Masters...I just need to persevere.
Lastly, at work we are prepping firelines to get things burned before planting longleaf this winter. So perhaps I should wait before I claim that September was burned up...since literally I will be burning November to the ground...haha.
Namely it is because I joined a gym and have been going to workout classes every morning at 5:30 am but also because of the pup.
She is well, and we spent the whole day together in the nearby town playing in parks and eating out at open air restaurants, and walking around meeting new people. She was abused before I got her, so I am teaching her that people are good. (she only barked at two today...so we are getting better).
I just got the email to register for my spring classes...and I was thinking in all my current fatigue," do I really want to"? But I better go ahead and sign up before I think too much about it. I will finish my Masters...I just need to persevere.
Lastly, at work we are prepping firelines to get things burned before planting longleaf this winter. So perhaps I should wait before I claim that September was burned up...since literally I will be burning November to the ground...haha.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Feeling Behind
Wow! I am feeling behind on all my updating. It's been a whirlwind here.
First of all...stuff happened. Namely, my boss telling me out of the blue, "if you feel lonely or scared by living out in the woods by yourself, then you can get a dog." I promptly told him that I did not want a dog, because those things live longer than goldfish, and I already hit my commitment quota by joining a gym.
Later, someone else teased me about getting a puppy. And then I promptly told God, "People keep bringing up this topic, but you know I am not going and getting a dog. If you want me to have one, you just have to drop it in my lap." One Saturday morning, I was rushing out the door and, yep you guessed it. A puppy...a little 4 month old hound/lab mix was just looking miserable at my doorstep.
She was so covered in fleas that as she scratched, she would whine because it hurt. I just cried. I knew I couldn't take care of a puppy, but I just couldn't leave her in that state...so I said, one step...I will just take one step. So I washed all her fleas off. Then I called my friend who owned a kennel and told her I didn't know the next step. I wasn't keeping her but I needed help.
Well my kennel friend showed up with puppy supplies, and that dog ran right to my side for protection...apparently she already adopted me. So now, I can't imagine life without her. It's been a full month and I love my baby Jade so much. We are doing all the right things with the vet and I am reading more about puppy training online than I am school work. But she does make my heart smile.
Other than puppy and school, the most recent excitement was a trip to the mountains. My mother has a birthday this week, and it being labor day weekend, we had a longer one than normal. My mother said in passing, "oh I wish I could come down and see you...." And between the two of us, within 48 hours we had her plane ticket booked and a cabin in the woods rented. We spent an awesome weekend grilling out, visiting the small mountain town of Blue Ridge, sampling chocolate, visiting a winery, and hiking to a waterfall. I had a great deal of rest and enjoyment with her, and brought her back to the airport.
Unfortunately, my car broke down about an hour away from home, so I am even more behind on the many things I should have done this weekend...but I wouldn't change it for the world!
One topic that keeps coming up in my Quiet Time is the need to breathe. To just rest, to not have to do all the time, despite the fact that doing gives me a semblance of control...but just to be. To rest, to breathe...to truly trust that all my needs will be met, that not every single thing has to be in order for me to move forward, and to rest. So I think in lieu of giving myself an ulcer...I should breathe and rest. SELAH! :-)
First of all...stuff happened. Namely, my boss telling me out of the blue, "if you feel lonely or scared by living out in the woods by yourself, then you can get a dog." I promptly told him that I did not want a dog, because those things live longer than goldfish, and I already hit my commitment quota by joining a gym.
Later, someone else teased me about getting a puppy. And then I promptly told God, "People keep bringing up this topic, but you know I am not going and getting a dog. If you want me to have one, you just have to drop it in my lap." One Saturday morning, I was rushing out the door and, yep you guessed it. A puppy...a little 4 month old hound/lab mix was just looking miserable at my doorstep.
She was so covered in fleas that as she scratched, she would whine because it hurt. I just cried. I knew I couldn't take care of a puppy, but I just couldn't leave her in that state...so I said, one step...I will just take one step. So I washed all her fleas off. Then I called my friend who owned a kennel and told her I didn't know the next step. I wasn't keeping her but I needed help.
Well my kennel friend showed up with puppy supplies, and that dog ran right to my side for protection...apparently she already adopted me. So now, I can't imagine life without her. It's been a full month and I love my baby Jade so much. We are doing all the right things with the vet and I am reading more about puppy training online than I am school work. But she does make my heart smile.
 |
| This is Jade playing with her husky friend who likes to visit. |
Other than puppy and school, the most recent excitement was a trip to the mountains. My mother has a birthday this week, and it being labor day weekend, we had a longer one than normal. My mother said in passing, "oh I wish I could come down and see you...." And between the two of us, within 48 hours we had her plane ticket booked and a cabin in the woods rented. We spent an awesome weekend grilling out, visiting the small mountain town of Blue Ridge, sampling chocolate, visiting a winery, and hiking to a waterfall. I had a great deal of rest and enjoyment with her, and brought her back to the airport.
Unfortunately, my car broke down about an hour away from home, so I am even more behind on the many things I should have done this weekend...but I wouldn't change it for the world!
One topic that keeps coming up in my Quiet Time is the need to breathe. To just rest, to not have to do all the time, despite the fact that doing gives me a semblance of control...but just to be. To rest, to breathe...to truly trust that all my needs will be met, that not every single thing has to be in order for me to move forward, and to rest. So I think in lieu of giving myself an ulcer...I should breathe and rest. SELAH! :-)
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Update and Seasonal Gardening Blog
Hi Hi Hi!
Work has been a little busy since I have been trying to incorporate my gradschool IAP work in with my workplace. And it is going quite well! I have actually started designing a cost benefit analysis on herbicides with the hope of opening up the pine forest for red-cockaded woodpeckers, which I am hoping may be publishable research someday.
That aside, I have been able to catch up on some personal things, like finally going to the doctor about my cyst and turned ankle (from Mongolia), and I even ordered some new glasses after heading into the city of Savannah for an appointment. I did enjoy the mini-vacation that the trip turned into.
Lastly, I have been seeking counsel from a few Godly people who have, without knowing, confirmed what the other has advised. Despite being called to be an intercessor (a call I got long ago but finally agreed to do recently during my visit to Korea), I am actually in a season where I cannot contend and pray in the way I want. I think to myself that I need to spend so much time in disciplined structured prayer and scripture meditation. But honestly, I need to just sit and soak in the presence of God. I have been trying that lately and powerful prayer (though it doesn't look or feel like it in the natural) comes out of that. I have found that there is so much power in praising God not for what He has done, but for who He is...which is one thing I have been doing in that "soaking" time. I asked God to meet me in new ways...so...you get what you ask for.
My fall class begins in a few weeks, so I am trying to keep up my website that I designed for the class from last spring. I make a quick blog on it about planting in season, so if you want to check that out: http://critchey1.wixsite.com/sustainablegardening/single-post/2016/08/02/Planting-in-Season
Things are really starting to turn up. And I am so very very glad about that.
Work has been a little busy since I have been trying to incorporate my gradschool IAP work in with my workplace. And it is going quite well! I have actually started designing a cost benefit analysis on herbicides with the hope of opening up the pine forest for red-cockaded woodpeckers, which I am hoping may be publishable research someday.
That aside, I have been able to catch up on some personal things, like finally going to the doctor about my cyst and turned ankle (from Mongolia), and I even ordered some new glasses after heading into the city of Savannah for an appointment. I did enjoy the mini-vacation that the trip turned into.
Lastly, I have been seeking counsel from a few Godly people who have, without knowing, confirmed what the other has advised. Despite being called to be an intercessor (a call I got long ago but finally agreed to do recently during my visit to Korea), I am actually in a season where I cannot contend and pray in the way I want. I think to myself that I need to spend so much time in disciplined structured prayer and scripture meditation. But honestly, I need to just sit and soak in the presence of God. I have been trying that lately and powerful prayer (though it doesn't look or feel like it in the natural) comes out of that. I have found that there is so much power in praising God not for what He has done, but for who He is...which is one thing I have been doing in that "soaking" time. I asked God to meet me in new ways...so...you get what you ask for.
My fall class begins in a few weeks, so I am trying to keep up my website that I designed for the class from last spring. I make a quick blog on it about planting in season, so if you want to check that out: http://critchey1.wixsite.com/sustainablegardening/single-post/2016/08/02/Planting-in-Season
Things are really starting to turn up. And I am so very very glad about that.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
New Ways
I got really mad at God last week. It sounds really silly to be mad at the God of the Universe, the one who created all things, and all that. I mean, by being mad at Him, it really achieves nothing, but human emotions are weird.
It all started with things that He was calling me to in my recent short visit to Korea. I finally said yes to being an intercessor. I finally agreed to take the steps, to pray for more discernment to hone my gift and also for Him to meet me in new ways in the coming season (because the old ways just won't do for what I am called to).
Immediately after that, I couldn't hear God. I couldn't feel God. I thought this must be an attack of the enemy, something that I would have to endure. But after three weeks, I got a little miffed. Why do I have to endure? What if I never feel God again? What if I never ever felt Him before? What if it is all in my head? What if there is really no God? (I just got real with you here!)
Now, I want to interject. The first part of this experience (not feeling or not hearing from God) was NOT from satan...nor was it an attack. But the second part (the doubt, fear, worry, and disbelief) was most DEFINITELY a manipulative attack of the enemy. And yes, though it makes no sense...God is real. But back to my tale....
So. After finally admitting to Him that I was mad, I "took a break". Which is silly too. Though I went about 3 days without having a scheduled quiet time, I never really stopped talking to Him. Because in my life, my relationship with God is just that...a relationship. We talk all day together. Well, of course I was doing all the talking lately, but you know. In a relationship, the wife doesn't say to the husband, "I don't feel married right now, so I am going to avoid you..." Haha!
In the same way, taking a break was stupid. But once I came back into my quiet times, I came in with a zealous goal of figuring this out and making it right. Because I love Him just too much to live without Him.
Well, at this point God gave me a hint. Well, pretty much the whole picture. He started piecing together things from Korea, my own reading and heart, and sermons I was listening to from my old church. And I finally got it. And boy did I feel silly when I did.
Bottom Line and the Reader's Digest Version of all that came to light: The Pillar of Fire and Cloud in the desert never left its spot before the people except for one time. It went behind them to block the Egyptians when it was time for the Israelites to cross the sea. In the same way, the presence of God was not gone in my life, it was just positioned differently because I have a great step to take forward. And how in the world can I pray for God to meet me in New Ways and then to search for Him down the same old paths?
God is also teaching me to be less dependent on my feelings, but to truly learn all aspects of discernment (another thing that I was praying for before all this happened). I believe this time is a time for me to learn to fellowship with Holy Spirit not just in power and feeling, but in the truth of the scripture. So, I may not feel very close to God lately, but I need to learn that feelings are not the only indicator of the relationship.
LONG STORY SHORT- I got mad at God for answering all my prayers...haha. But now that I see what is happening, I am excited to see how He will meet me in these new ways. Thanks for your continued prayers all!
It all started with things that He was calling me to in my recent short visit to Korea. I finally said yes to being an intercessor. I finally agreed to take the steps, to pray for more discernment to hone my gift and also for Him to meet me in new ways in the coming season (because the old ways just won't do for what I am called to).
Immediately after that, I couldn't hear God. I couldn't feel God. I thought this must be an attack of the enemy, something that I would have to endure. But after three weeks, I got a little miffed. Why do I have to endure? What if I never feel God again? What if I never ever felt Him before? What if it is all in my head? What if there is really no God? (I just got real with you here!)
Now, I want to interject. The first part of this experience (not feeling or not hearing from God) was NOT from satan...nor was it an attack. But the second part (the doubt, fear, worry, and disbelief) was most DEFINITELY a manipulative attack of the enemy. And yes, though it makes no sense...God is real. But back to my tale....
So. After finally admitting to Him that I was mad, I "took a break". Which is silly too. Though I went about 3 days without having a scheduled quiet time, I never really stopped talking to Him. Because in my life, my relationship with God is just that...a relationship. We talk all day together. Well, of course I was doing all the talking lately, but you know. In a relationship, the wife doesn't say to the husband, "I don't feel married right now, so I am going to avoid you..." Haha!
In the same way, taking a break was stupid. But once I came back into my quiet times, I came in with a zealous goal of figuring this out and making it right. Because I love Him just too much to live without Him.
Well, at this point God gave me a hint. Well, pretty much the whole picture. He started piecing together things from Korea, my own reading and heart, and sermons I was listening to from my old church. And I finally got it. And boy did I feel silly when I did.
Bottom Line and the Reader's Digest Version of all that came to light: The Pillar of Fire and Cloud in the desert never left its spot before the people except for one time. It went behind them to block the Egyptians when it was time for the Israelites to cross the sea. In the same way, the presence of God was not gone in my life, it was just positioned differently because I have a great step to take forward. And how in the world can I pray for God to meet me in New Ways and then to search for Him down the same old paths?
God is also teaching me to be less dependent on my feelings, but to truly learn all aspects of discernment (another thing that I was praying for before all this happened). I believe this time is a time for me to learn to fellowship with Holy Spirit not just in power and feeling, but in the truth of the scripture. So, I may not feel very close to God lately, but I need to learn that feelings are not the only indicator of the relationship.
LONG STORY SHORT- I got mad at God for answering all my prayers...haha. But now that I see what is happening, I am excited to see how He will meet me in these new ways. Thanks for your continued prayers all!
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