Uncanny Peace

"I believe that in the midst of all these options you can feel uncertainty and what not but when praying for you I feel that it doesn't need to be a stormy stressful season but just an enjoyable time with the Lord with him even using this time to point you in different directions. When the time comes for you to move on, He will make it very clear, but let this transitional time be one of yes peace and also joy." ~Spoken over me by my Korean Pastor So many times, I think I have sorted the future out in my mind. And so many times a "curve-ball" is pitched in this game. I have gotten a few in this particular inning. Perhaps this is part of what I need to learn in this season. To have faith and peace in the face of uncertainty. To roll with the punches. To stop trying to sort things out in my mind, but instead to be content with not knowing. I am once again in a position of not knowing. The jury is still out on the mission I applied to. I just got accepted into the graduate program that I have been wanting. And I am falling into an odd tax situation because I am self-employed which causes me to have to pay approx. 20% of last year's income in taxes this April. (I am still technically below the poverty level so this is going to be quite a feat.) The money one really threw me for a loop (as usual) and my initial response was panic. You should know my M.O. by now. (I am working on it though.) After the initial shock and corresponding sleepless night, I got a friend to pray for me. As she prayed for me I was reminded of a revelation I received from the Lord some time ago.

The revelation: I was eating a very good piece of Pot Roast all by myself in the quiet about 2 weeks ago. And BAM! God gave me an image.

I didn't ask for one...wasn't even thinking about anything important. (Just the pot roast and how good it was.) But the image I got was of God. He was very jovial...he was so filled with joy and excitement that it escaped him in the form of laughter. He just was bursting with good emotions...namely the joy and excitement about what He has planned for me. And it was contagious.

No God didn't tell me where to go, nor did He give the slightest hint. He simply showed me that He knew, and it was going to be good.

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So this revelation came back into my mind. And I realized. NOTHING HAS CHANGED! It didn't surprise God when my tax forms were completed. It didn't surprise God when I got accepted to Grad School. It didn't surprise God when the Mission folks took extra long to pray over my application. God didn't say, "Oh my word! Taxes and Grad School...didn't see that coming. Good luck with your future Caroline. Call me when you get it all sorted out."

NO! The promise he made me then is still valid. He made it with all this in mind. He is still excited about my future. He is still joyfully saying, "I have this child, trust me!" And I will not let fear abort his promise. I will hold it in my heart. All this to say...I don't know what to do. But I have an uncanny peace in the face of uncertainty. Perhaps that's the way God likes it.