Prospective

It's been a while... But I will probably be saying that often. Alas...here in O'ahu, I have had the opportunity to think.

I purposely came here knowing that seeing old team members in a new light would be beneficial to processing this past year of travel and trial. But honestly, my best processing moment came from an online conversation with a teammate that couldn't make it here.

When I first left the mission field, I was so ready to be done. I was exhausted, indignant, selfish, and hurt. Each emotion building on the next. Recently, I have been reading Danny Silk's, "Keep your love on" and its been a game changer.  Looking back, I was seeing all the ways I failed at communication, love, and selflessness.

However, after this conversation...I saw. That I did the best I possibly could at the time. No 20/20 hindsight, coulda, shoulda, woulda, is gonna change that. And the lessons I am still learning from the times when I wasn't even close to doing well, are priceless.

So, in a slight jump back Mrs. Frizzle in the magic school bus, its okay to "take chances, get messy, and make mistakes." Because coming out of this on the other side is probably the most difficult and rewarding thing I have ever done.

I am so grateful, honored, and blessed.

The Photos I Promised

I finally forced myself to edit the photos from Vermont, and it turns out it was in record time.  I mean, I have only been back for perhaps a week or so.  It was such an amazing experience though, and I would love to do it again.  Moments like that inspire me to have a little art room in my future apartment, where all sorts of creative things happen.

Anyway, here are the promised photos from the paint workshop:

Landing in NE in the Fall!

The Inn

A photo from a walk of ours.

I wish I could paint everything I saw!

Mom and I getting ready for our first lesson.

Wilson Bickford's instruction on snow.

Finished Painting #1...so proud!

Finished Painting #2

Visiting the Store in Weston.

Mom, Wilson, and I with her last painting!  She did so good!

I finally feel the fall again.

Moose Crossing was my favorite sign, though snowmobile crossing was a close second.

Not Just Dust

It’s been a while since I blogged on here, but I did want a break from online sharing, so I guess I got it. But I have a couple things to share now.  The first is to say that I went on a trip to Vermont to an oil painting workshop with my current wet-on-wet idol, Wilson Bickford.  I have wanted to do this for years, and back in February, when I was struggling through Zambia.  I called mom for one of our skype dates, and she suggested that we take the trip when I returned home since there was a scheduled workshop in October.  And being in Africa, it never seemed like it would happen.  I mean, how could I justify the cost?  How could I even consider spoiling myself after seeing so much poverty?  How could I do anything back home when just living abroad was hard enough?  I couldn’t plan…I couldn’t hope.  But Mom did.  And I thank God.  Because, this past weekend was AMAZING.  I want to share more about that and photos soon.

The real reason I am writing however is because I received a letter today.  This letter was written by me back in April.  I was in Malaysia at the time and was probably in one of my darker points of the race.  But I was learning so much even in the pain.  And I wanted to share this letter.  The full disclosure is risky for me, because being open makes one vulnerable, but I think that I am not the only that can benefit from the words from that past struggle.

So here we go:

“Hello Caroline,

                Recently, things have been rough.  Rougher than Bolivia Caroline would ever know.  But death won’t be spoken over you and ‘Mara’ is not your name! 

YOUR BODY MAY BE DUST, BUT GOD BREATHED HIS SPIRIT IN YOU!  You are precious to Him and you can’t help but reflect Him.  It’s natural!  PEOPLE SEE GOD IN YOU MORE THAN YOU DO (BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC…ALWAYS HAVE BEEN… But ask anyone.  You are amazing.  And don’t waste your time on anyone who will tell you otherwise.)

AS YOU TOLD ***** [that was a private conversation], ‘Stay Strong & Stay You!’ AND PLEASE: Enjoy!  Life is too short to allow yourself to struggle with that. Release, Be, Enjoy, ______

WHO KNOWS WHAT THIS MONTH’S ROCK WILL SAY? [I collected rocks from each country and wrote a word that described my greatest lesson learned in that country.  My word for Malaysia ended up being “persevere”.]  You are His…and you look like your Father.”

Wow right!  I know this will help me out so much in the coming time and I hope that by being honest, I have helped someone else that needed to hear how awesome they are.

(Vermont Photos to Come Soon...)

Stopping to Smell the What?

I was thinking the other day about my habit of stopping to smell flowers.  I have always, ALWAYS, taken the time to sniff anything that smelled good as I passed by.  Just ask anyone who has gone on a walk with me.  They'll swear that I "stop and smell the roses" more than anyone they know.

But, it struck me hard when I thought about it.  I don't think I really "stop and smell the roses".  Once you think about it, stopping to smell the roses is more than a mindless action.  It is a worthless act without a mindset of gratitude and praise.  Because when taking a moment to sniff a rose, if there isn't appreciation for the existence of that thing, or the smell, or the moment when you don't have to think about anything but a flower....without that appreciation, it's just another motion to go through, and frankly, it would be better to save the time and not bother.

So what does this have to do with life?

As we say in Thailand, "same-same".  Reading a book, hugging a friend, going to work.  So many things that can just be part of the day, without truly being lived.  Until we intentionally use the moment we are given as a gift, we will feel like we are watching our lives go by like a movie.

What am I going to do about this?

Good question.  You can't change the way your brain functions in just a moment.  But instead, I have to begin to form a habit of choosing.  Choosing joy, choosing praise, choosing love, choosing to intentionally live each moment instead of being a victim of time.  So after submitting post, I am going to give a loved one a hug, play with a cat, and eat a chocolate.  And I will do each thing with purpose.  So yeah...let's stop and smell some...whatever.

Behind it all.

I feel like I have be behind time for the last couple weeks.  Just as I get one project done another begins.  And so I have been unable to share things that I wanted to share.  Alas, living was the goal for this year...and living means you don't always get to share it.

I was hoping the busyness would be full of knitting for newborns or painting sunsets.  But, Grad-school is a time consuming beast.  I love it though (but not all the time).

I have been introduced to Kombucha which was a fermented tea that I tried back in college but hated.  Yet recently I decided to try it again seeings how I have been working so closely with a local grocery that carries it.  I don't know if it is the live cultures or what, but GEEE  I have had energy lately to get things done.  And I can't stop now!

With that said, UPDATES:

• I prayed about getting a car.  And within a few days God provided a great deal that landed right in my price range.
• Now that I have a car, I am poor.  So I picked up odd jobs.  I work for a local farm.  I clean Semi trucks, farm equipment, the office, and garage.  The other odd job just started, but I go out for the second time tomorrow with a local photographer to assist.
• A more fun update is that I finally got a chance to play with my own photography at a lake for Labor Day.  Mom and I went out east for some R&R.  I couldn't stop thinking of Grad-work, but now I force myself to set aside recreational reading time once again for rest.

I guess I better go get some more data analysis done before I get behind again.

The Thankful List

This morning I sat down to my quite time with a bowl of Special K chocolate berry.  Yum!  And I began to write in my journal.  I noticed that I have fallen so far behind on my list of things that I am thankful for.  And just recently have I been able to write down a few scribbles.

The thankful list was a practice I started October of last year.  I was struggling to find an attitude of gratitude so I began the list.  Everyday I would sit down and write out my gratitude for the little gifts in my life.  When I first got home from the adventure that took me so long and so far, I thought that I no longer needed that list to get through.  But truly, it isn't about "getting through" any more.  It's about being thankful for what the Lord has given you.

So I put down my spoon and picked up my pen again.  "#1394.  Cold milk in my cereal!"  A couple months ago, I would have dug my journal out of my bag to write this one with a swelling heart.  I was in the land of powdered milk re-hydrated in room temp water.  This got me thinking... here in the place where I have so much to be thankful for, why is it so hard to recognize God's little gifts?

I think it is because, "familiarity breeds contempt" as my Korean church says.  These little gifts like cold milk or warm showers are no longer blessings but expectations.  Being in the land of plenty makes us expect no less...and unfortunately I have fallen into that.

My prayer is that I will be ever grateful and that I will enjoy the blessings that He intends for me.  That I will not expect the good things to happen, but instead to hope for them and praise His name when they come.  And then I will find a heart of true gratitude.

Home...

I am home now in Ohio with my Mother.  I plan to be here until around Thanksgiving, then I will go to Maryland to stay with my Dad and visit the rest of the family until New Year's.  I am in Grad-school online, I just got a phone, I am looking for a car and a job to start after the Holidays, preferably in the Parks System.

I don't really know much..other than that I am doing my first part of my Master's capstone project with a local grocery that is trying to become a Co-op while gathering local farmers and consumers together in a community based local food source interface.  My job will most likely be population opinion surveys or even distribution mapping.  But I have to do it before the holidays when I go to Maryland.

Other than that, I know that unpacking from the last 11 months is tough...especially since I don't know if I will have a house or apartment after the New Year.  I don't even know what state I will be in...or country.  God knows His plans...and I never do.  So all I can do for now, it unpack while putting my live mostly into storage.  It's the waiting game now.

With all that said, I don't know how much I will be updating everyone.  It's a long drawn-out thought process that can be found on my very last blog post with AIM: http://carolineritchey.theworldrace.org/?filename=last-blog-post

I won't be gone...  I am still going to be blogging, but I just want to tone it down a little.  Cutting down to one blog is definitely a good start..haha.  So for now, I am going to go live life (hopefully without always thinking things like, "this is a good photo opp to share...")  WISH ME LUCK!  It's like un-training your brain...haha!