One thing that has still been a little off though is connecting with God. I have thought and over-thought about it. And I still don't feel the level of intimacy that I felt with Him on the mission field or in other times of my life.
But then I get thinking about the Israelites and how they pine for Egypt when they are faced with the desert. How often do we distort the past when the future is unknown? Perhaps that is what I am doing here. Perhaps I remember being closer to God, because I remember only the moments of revelation, not the moments of silence and waiting. And perhaps I am just as close now as I have ever been.
Maybe it is a perspective thing, and I need to keep focused on Him in the now, to keep the right perspective.
Not long ago I was reading about Ezekiel and about how he entered the valley (the low place) as he was being led by Holy Spirit. Maybe when we are in low points in our lives, it's because we are following His lead. Really, Christians are never set apart by their mountain-top experiences, but by how they respond to the valley.
Anyway, I oddly enough see myself both as Ezekiel who God has lead to speak life into dry bones, and also as the bones. I feel dry, and worn, and dead at times.... but instead of just laying around on the ground waiting for life, perhaps, I am called to speak that life. I, perhaps, am the one to speak His truth over myself until the life flows, the breath enters, and the army is raised, so then I can go on and do the same for others. What am I waiting for?
Ezekiel 37:1-14New King James Version (NKJV)
The Dry Bones Live
37 The hand of the Lord came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones. 2 Then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold, there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry. 3 And He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”
So I answered, “O Lord God, You know.”
4 Again He said to me, “Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! 5 Thus says the Lord God to these bones: “Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live. 6 I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the Lord.”’”
7 So I prophesied as I was commanded; and as I prophesied, there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 Indeed, as I looked, the sinews and the flesh came upon them, and the skin covered them over; but there was no breath in them.
9 Also He said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.”’” 10 So I prophesied as He commanded me, and breath came into them, and they lived, and stood upon their feet, an exceedingly great army.
11 Then He said to me, “Son of man, these bones are the whole house of Israel. They indeed say, ‘Our bones are dry, our hope is lost, and we ourselves are cut off!’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, O My people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up from your graves, and bring you into the land of Israel. 13 Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves, O My people, and brought you up from your graves. 14 I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land. Then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it,” says the Lord.’”
