Life

So...in life, the devil comes after you in many ways.  In the past, like all of us, I had some struggles.  I had anxiety attacks.  I found myself wounded to the point of hopelessness and anger towards God.  And like the AMAZING God He is, He healed me.

So, here in America, things are going back to normal (whatever that means).  And I was asked to prepare a testimony for church.  I did it a few weeks early and it was good.  As the time got nearer to me sharing, I found myself questioning my past events.  I thought to myself, "things couldn't have been THAT bad...you are blowing it out of proportion.  Surely you never really were depressed...."

I caught myself though and starting writing in my prayer Journal, "Daddy, sometimes my past year's struggle seems so far away.  Sometimes I can't even believe it happened.  BUT GOD!  My story is one of your saving grace...of your healing.  And Lord, let me never forget how low I was because it is proof of how high you raised me up."  I realized that if Satan could tell me that I didn't really struggle...then he could tell me that I wasn't really healed.

The second way that the devil tried to get me was soon to follow.  I started to think a lot about my friends and church family that are still in Korea.  I began to "innocently" wonder what I would be doing if I were still there this time of year.  I would be preparing for winter camp, I would be planning my holiday, and I would be growing like crazy with my family at church.  Then I started to long for this.  I wished I was still there and I began to be discontent where I was.  I needed to believe without a doubt that God has brought me where I am right now.  And that He has a plan for me.  But....I chose a different line of thought.

Later that night came the third wave of Satan's attack (this being the night before I was to give my testimony).  I was putting Wally the Boa back into his cage and my father gave me a kiss before he headed back to bed.  And then, I started to get the symptoms of one of my old panic attacks.  At that point I realized what all this had been.  It had been an attack from my enemy.  An attack that I just let happen...and didn't try to fight before.  BUT NOW I WAS READY TO FIGHT!

I needed some good out loud prayer..you know the kind where you yell at the devil with all the authority you get as a son of God.  Yeah...that kinda prayer!  So I took my dog with me...(cuz I wasn't going outside alone at midnight!) and went to the quietest darkest place I could find.  (That wimpy dog was a scaredy-cat and needed a lot of affirmation to get himself out there with me.  He kept looking longingly back at the warm house during this walk).  Once we were there, I sat down and did my thing.  It was only about five minutes worth of praying and there was this freedom.

Sometimes we think that we have to pray hours on end, or all night even, to solve the big problems.  But really...God doesn't want us to struggle with things that long.  He wants us to put the devil in his place quickly and get back to life.

Anyway...I just wanted to share this with you all.  If God has healed you of something and you find yourself in a struggle, don't feel that you failed.  Don't feel that you may have never have gotten healed in the first place.  Don't feel you are doing something wrong.  Take it as a sign that you are doing something right and that you got the devil a little nervous.

That's what I did.  I made him nervous because I was going to share the healing that God has done in my life.  And thanks to Him, I was able to share with confidence and assurance that He is good!  PRAISE HIM!

And that's life!

Holiday Highlights... (so far)

So this holiday season has been one of the most fun ones of my adult life. There are many memorable moments that point out how crazy this family is. And I love it!

• When the Sunshine the Cat climbed the ladder to help hang the lights on the eaves.
• When Kyle and I worked in the Garage late at night on a Christmas present. "Kyle, we just hit a wooden toy with a rubber mallet, WE ARE ELVES!"
• When the storm that hit the other night blew chunks off the house above my window....YIKES!
• When we survived the Last Day on Earth. I was washing the range of the oven and the dogs went crazy howling...for no reason, and then the lights went out. I proceeded to scream, "It's the end of the world!" And woke everyone in the house..te he he.
• When I danced to Latin music in the car with Harry Chops, our new Venus Fly Trap. Then I proceeded to hunt down his dinner with the fly swatter.
• When it takes five minutes to remember the chorus of a Christmas song, and then belting that song out for the rest of the car ride...until someone begs to turn on the radio... :-P
• Laying in the folks bed and beating them at Words with Friends every night (our version of family game night).
• And lastly, our trip to New York....Crazy Fun!

There is truly no place like home for the Holidays!

PA and NYC

My grandparents live in Pennsylvania.  I haven't seen them in over a year so my folks and I thought it would be good to visit them this December (since I am between year long contracts).   It was a quiet pleasant visit with family.  We baked cookies, watched a Christmas parade, and played lots and lots of online scrabble against each other.  

My Pop and I in PA

After we left them, we set off for New York City.  I had only been once, and it was only for a few hours worth of seeing and eating in Time Square.  So as you can tell, I was really excited to get back and see more.

In front of Wollman Rink in Central Park

For this trip, we planned out quite a bit.  When we arrived, we checked into our hotel in NJ and took the bus over to NYC.  Once there, we walked through Central Park (WHICH IS HUGE!!!), popped by the Rockefeller Center to see the tree, then went to Time Square to eat the most delicious Chana Saag I have had, at a place called Bombay Marsala.  Afterwards, with renewed energy we headed down Broadway until we reached Macy's on 34th Street.  This building was the size of a city block and had 10 floors.  I couldn't believe it.   BUT, the true reason to visit Macy's during the Holiday's is to see the REAL Santa.  :-)  I am happy to say that we were not the only adults there.  We finished the night off at frozen yogurt buffet.  Yeah!

The next day we woke up and headed on the subway to Ground Zero.  We had a slight mishap in the Metro though.  The card that we bought wouldn't let my father through the gate.  My stepmom, Penny, was telling him just to jump it, seeings how we paid for the ticket anyway...but I warned them that there was a steep fine for that sort of thing.  And I am thankful that he didn't jump it because there were two metro police watching the whole thing from the corner.  So the running joke is that Penny almost got dad arrested in the subway.  We even made up epic stories about how they tackled him to the ground as he was wearing my pink thirty one back pack.  Te he he.

Daddy doesn't look too shaken by his run in with the Police ;-P

Anyway, I was a little wary about going to the World Trade Center because I am still really moved by what happened there.  I didn't know what to expect and it just felt odd that Ground Zero would be a tourist spot.  Once I got there though, my fears were relieved.  The place was a memorial.  Where the buildings once stood were two fountains, the size of the base of each building.  They were surrounded by a memorial garden and inside the garden was a tree called the survivor tree.  It was the only tree to survive the attack.  Overall, it was sobering, but worth seeing.



After that, we headed out on the Staten Island Ferry to get a good look at Lady Liberty and the skylines of a few Burroughs.  Then we walked along the historic port district, under the Brooklyn Bridge, and up into Chinatown for a good lunch and some bubble tea.  Then we caught the subway back to the bus terminal and headed home.

With the REAL Santa

It was a great trip.  We saw so much, yet still left so much unseen.  This is a place that we will surely have to return to.  I am very thankful to my folks for taking me up there and dealing with my whiny style of navigation.  (I usually stand on the corners with the map saying..."Guys!..I don't know where we are going!")

:-D  Happy Holidays all!

Thanksgiving

This one has been an interesting one. I actually had four Thanksgiving dinners this year. And this is not counting the leftovers. I only had to eat the left overs from two of the four.

 And coming back to Maryland has been really pleasant. I have met a plethora of critters and enjoyed the first Christmas parade I have seen in seven years. It was cold, but I made daddy take me...and some hot cocoa.

 I have also been eating very well, even without all the TG style dinners. I have had Sushi, Italian, Habatchi, American Diner breakfast, Bourbon chicken, Mediterranean Pasta, British Pudding, and those are just off the top of my head. I just love the variety of food that you find in America. BUT, the price is so high to eat out here...and sometimes I just miss sticky rice and seaweed. And yes...even Kimchi.

 Anyway, I figured I would share some photos from here in the glorious MD:

There was a fairly young litter of kittens at my Aunt's house.  They were about five weeks old.  And I am fully convinced that an adorable kitten can melt the heart of any hardened dictator in the world.

Needless to say, I spent a good deal of time loving on these little guys.

There are so many critter's at my Dad's house.  We have five goats, two dogs, one cat, two snakes, and about twenty rats (for the snakes).   I got to play with them all.

Later we picked up some hay for the goats.  I was the best hay baler in Fugg boots the world has ever seen.  :-P

And my friend Laura who was able to celebrate the season with us, enjoyed spending quality time loving on the baby goats.

On The Road Again

So...It is really hard to type this, because I am on the road. Literally. The joy of technology means that I can update this blog with one fat finger jabbing at all the wrong keys on my smartphone. Anyway...we are somewhere on the Ohio turnpike heading to Maryland. I am looking forward to spending the holidays with family, especially since I haven't seen most of them since the Easter before last. I also am looking forward to seeing a good friend of mine who will join us for Thanksgiving. But alas..there are 10 more hours of road and violin music separating me from home. (Listening to the Dubliners te he he.)

Adjusting

Coming home was a little harder than I thought it would be.

Usually when people see me for the first time since I've been back, they awkwardly ask, "How was Korea?".  And inside I am thinking, "How in the world do I explain the past year of struggle, failings, growth, success, healing, and faith, in a 30 second answer that will keep their attention?"  I equally as awkwardly respond, "Good".  And if there is an additional awkward silence to follow...I will add, "It was a growing experience."  The next question that everyone asks is, "I bet it's good to be home, huh?"  And for a while I would just lie and say, "Sure."

Don't get me wrong.  I wasn't fully lying.  I am very happy to be with my family.  I guess the lying part comes from me not knowing what is home.  I built a home in Korea.  But it seems like most folks here view Korea as the enemy.  The thing that drove Caroline to depression, sin, and anger towards God.  BUT that is only half the story.  Did they miss the redemption part?  It's the BEST part!  They fail to see the growth.  They fail to remember that God called me there in the first place.

I think of this quote from Paulo Coelho, the Brazilian writer.  He says, "There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them.  But they are there for a reason .  Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there."  

That really makes me think of a verse I read the other day:  "All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others .  When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."   2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Note the bold part.  I made it bold because it stood out to me.  I cannot comfort others unless I understand and have experienced comfort.  And this I cannot do until I have suffered.  Some may not like this...but it is the way it is.

ANYWAY, with this said.  I am very happy to have spent a year in Korea.  I am very confused in this time of transition.  BUT I am very glad to be with family and friends.  I swear, you guys have been the most patient, kind, helpful, and persistently loving people.  You go above and beyond to help me adjust to being back.  To quote one more person, "Encouragement from any source is like a drop of rain upon a parched desert.   Thanks to all the many others who rained on me when I needed it, even when I foolishly thought I didn't." ~ Claire Gillian

I love you guys.

*Home~Sweet~Home*

Making Pies with the Pumpkin from the Garden

Being back home is nice once I learned to rest.  I listened to a good podcast from my Korean Church.  It was called, "The Key to this Season."  What I got from it for me is, the key to this season is relationship.  This is growing in God and loving the people around me.

I guess I just fail at resting.  Personally, I always have to be doing something productive or I freak out.  BUT, rest doesn't mean not doing anything.  Rest doesn't mean being unproductive.  Rest is just a different form of productivity.

My mother and I were talking the other day and we both built this analogy that I really think is from God.  When I went to Korea, I was just a little sapling.  The hard winds battered me about, and the hot sun shown down on me heavily.  Life was hard.  But that adversity made me grow.  A LOT.  My bark soon protected me from the wind, and the sun made my leaves flourish.  I grew in such a short time from a sapling into a great tree.

Now that I am back home, my growing feels like it has stopped.  At first I didn't know how to handle this.  But I was reminded that I am not in the adversity which grew me upward.  I am in this season of rest.  This is not the time for growing up, but for growing in.  This is a season for building sap.  Storing the good things of God deep within me so that I can face the next harsh season.  Who knows what season is coming; a hard winter, a drought?  I don't know, and for that I am thankful for this season of rest to grow and store what I need for the next season.

On a more practical note, I have purchased my airfare to go to my new job this coming January.  A good deal came that I couldn't pass up.  So, even though I haven't signed the contract yet, it looks like I am heading to North Carolina after the holidays.  Also, I have been the baking queen these past few days.  I guess that's the part of me that missed an oven this past year.  Also the part of me that has to be productive...  :-P  Oh well...I am trying to rest, with pie.  :-)

Pumpkin Lemon Glazed Delights

New Beginings

I chose the title of this blog while washing dishes at my mom's house in Ohio.  I stood there with soapy hands soliciting ideas from my mom as she called out hilarious sci-fi themed blog names from the couch.  Then it came to me... "The Never-Ending Journey".  This Journey can apply to all parts of my life.  This can be literal journeys/trips that I take, it can be my journey with God, or it can be the journey through life.

At this moment I am in the middle of some big changes in my life.  I have just returned from teaching abroad for a year, and I have two months of family time before I start my new job teaching science in North Carolina.

So for now...this is my journey.

My Goodbye party with the Church Family in Korea