Life Lessons from Life

You know how simple things in life seem to teach the best lessons?  Well, I am learning that for sure.

I have found so much of my thoughts being consumed with the future, that I wasn't present in the present at all!  Yes, it is important to plan, seek the will of God, and make good choices for the future.  But I (as typical of people with my MO) chose to create every possible scenario of how the next few months are going to play out and dwell on it.  Meanwhile missing what is going on around me.

Luckily (or blessed is more like it), I have people around me who are wise and can give it to me straight.  My mom told me to "Be still and know that He is God." just the morning before my Korean Pastor did a sermon on that.  He discussed the power of being in the present.  As this is happening, my community care pastor tells me, "..it doesn't need to be a stormy season but just an enjoyable time with the Lord...When the time comes for you to move on, He will make it very clear, but let this transitional time be one of yes peace and also joy."  Simply put, I need just  focus on the now.

So...there I am walking walking the half-mile stretch back from the Aquarium (which is the best volunteer job I have ever done!  I was snorkeling in the Grouper tank today to give it a good scrub.  I saw a little girl through the glass and we waved to each other.  See, I am trying to focus on the present awesome things that I have!).  Anyway, on this half-mile stretch to the ferry there also happened to be two separate joggers, and I happened to be eating from a bag of chips.  As they passed I kinda hid the chips so that I didn't feel like such a fatty..haha.

On this walk I didn't allow myself to think ahead.  I have been doing that too much lately.  Even thinking about the good ahead is not good.  Example, I would think how much praise I would give God when he sorted things out and handled fundraising if I was accepted to the World Race Mission.  BUT, the God of the present is the same God...and does He not deserve the same praise now for all of the good things going on presently?  SOOOOO...you see, it was important to keep my mind on the now.

As I walked, I saw the birds.  I love the winter birds here, they are my favorite.  I guess they remind me of when I was new here last year, and everything was so exciting and unknown.  I went to a birding workshop with work and learned all about the little yellow-rumped warblers that had just finished migrating and were now flittering around above. These birds taught me a life lesson.  They know the time they are in.  It is winter and so they are here.  Do they plan for the summer travel at this time?  No...they are just here.  When summer comes they will do what they need to do.  But for now they are here.

Life lesson number two came in the form of a water color kit gifted to me by my friend Laura for Christmas.  If you know me, I am a self-abusive artist.  I seldom like my own work.  I find details that I hate and see all my mistakes.  BUT... water color doesn't allow you to do that.  The colors just flow wherever they want.  In my first picture I fought it.  I was like, "NO...phthalo blue!  Stay in your imaginary line!".  And I got to a point when I realized that I couldn't control it.  In my second painting, I went into it knowing that the colors would do what they wanted, I learned to go with the flow, and make a much free-er painting.  Can you see the difference?

Painting One

Painting Two

So...as I focus on the now, I will do it with an attitude of gratitude.  And who knows what other life lessons I will learn? 

Modus Operandi

mo·dus ope·ran·di

 noun \ˌmō-dəs-ˌä-pə-ˈran-dē, -ˌdī\

: a usual way of doing something; especially :a distinct pattern or method of operation  

(According to Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary)

I have heard the term before, usually in a crime drama. "That's his MO." means that's how he operates.  

So I was thinking about my MO.  How I operate, especially when things don't go my way, when under pressure, when life throws you curve-balls.  

There was a pretty goofy but good movie I watched as a teen called "Extreme Days".  And I stole this quote from it, “We had some random things happen to us; some good, some bad, some you can’t explain, some you don’t want to, but one thing we did learn for sure… When God throws a curve-ball, don’t duck – You might just miss something.”

The problem about curve-balls is that they are unpredictable (and fast!).  And if you know me at all.  I love a good plan.  So, as I sit here on my lunch break with my cherry tomatoes and microwaveable veggie nuggets I am left with alone with my thoughts.

My future is up in the air right now.  I have plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G.  I always have something that is Logical and it is ranked in order so that I can make choices depending on what becomes available.  Then out of nowhere comes something illogical.  It's an 11th month mission trip and it has captured my thoughts.  It is completely illogical and I am most afraid because I don't think that the people I love will understand.  I am also afraid to apply for it because, what if I get it?  What if I get it and plan A?  What if I have to make a decision?  I feel like this is a major curve-ball.  

And my MO?

My MO is to have my thoughts run around in panic!  I have spent a long time faking confidence and it seems that I fooled myself into believing that actually I know what I am doing.  But I don't.  I don't think anyone really does.  Perhaps everyone wakes up in the morning like I do, and asks, "What am I doing?"  Lately, I have been faking confidence with the answer, "waiting for Americorps to accept you and begin."  But seriously?  Is that all that today is for?  I don't think so.  Life is too short to spend your days on ONLY waiting.

I don't know if it is in God's plan at all for me to run off to do missions.  But I do know that it is in His plan for me to pray about it.  To pray about my MO and find out what today is for.  I need to operate in peace. I need to admit that I don't know what is going on, but that God does.  And I need to have faith that He will eventually show me "the plan."

Blessed Birds with Bread!

Pardon the title of my post...but it makes me giggle.

I was helping my friend Pat clean up after communion on Sunday and she forced 3 loaves of left over communion bread into my hands with specific instructions on not to throw it away.  It has been blessed you see, so I have to dispose of it without dumping it.  OH DEAR.

The next thing I know, I am at the ferry terminal catching my ride to the Aquarium when I see a little girl playing with her parents.  I approach the dad,  "I couldn't help but notice you have a daughter..."  Cue awkward creeper music because that's exactly what I sound like at this point.  "And I thought she might want to feed the birds on the boat."  He just stares at me defensively.  So I pull out a loaf and force it on him.  "It's from my church....please help me use this communion bread, I don't know what to do..."

"I will take a loaf" he says and that is all.

WHEW!  THAT WAS AWKWARD!  Next time I need to think about what I should say first, instead of a plea for help...haha.  One down two to go.

I have my sunglasses on so no one can tell that I am looking out for kids....(which sounds so weird)...but it's the only way I can dispose of the blessed bread!  I figure waiting for the boat to leave might be better than stalking around the vehicle lanes, so I do.

Once the boat leaves, I see two boys with their parents on the upper deck.  This time I am ready!  "Hi there!, I didn't know if you guys wanted to feed the birds today...but I have this bread" ...hands it to the smallest boy, "which is left over from communion this morning."

"Thank you sweetie!"  Replies the mom.

NOM NOM NOM says the kid as he chows down on the loaf.

o.O  The parents are like...."um....I guess he is hungry."

I decide at that point that two loaves are enough for one ship, and that I will give away the third on the way back.  As I sit down to knit, I see a seagull fly past my window with a chunk of bread bigger than it's head...and I feel much better.  Oh blessed Birds!  :-P

(On the way back, I just handed a girl the loaf and said, "For the birds"...guess who was tired of this game by then...haha.)

Back in NC

I found myself working up a sweat and possibly a frenzy trying to get into a CD case.  My dad gave me the David Crowder Band CD that I have been after (Give us Rest or a Requiem Mass in C [the happiest of all keys])…awesome Christmas gift. (The GPS from mom was an awesome one too…so I don’t drive like a loon when I read MapQuest directions/accidently change lanes).  BUT I digress.

This CD was a test of my will power and will possibly count as today’s workout.  First, there is a plastic wrap that is a pain to take off seeing how you can’t find the seam to open it.   Next you attempt to open the case which only seems to want to open on one side.  By the time you see the long sticker sealing the other end, you feel thoroughly foolish.  At this point you wonder why you bit all your nails off over the holiday as you pick incessantly at the corners of the sticker.  By the time you get an edge up, it breaks off in a little piece like poorly peeling sunburn.  About twelve little pieces in I am sure that I was red-faced and foaming at the mouth worse than if I had taken an Alka-Seltzer on Spirit Airlines (who charges 3 dollars for their water which I won’t buy on a matter of principle).

After I finally got the disk into my PC, I could sit down and blog.  Well, hello there!  It’s getting chilly here in NC and I found that now will be the best time to replace the plants that died over the holidays.  I needed to rescue a few from the clearance rack at Lowes lest they become frosted over tonight.  Below you can see the little guys settling into their new home.

Just got watered!

You should have known I would use a color filter...I love my fancy camera!

Since I got home at 1:45am this morning and was up for work all the same (Tank Feeds and Maintenance, Terrarium Rescue, and Recycling Pickup today), I am going to bid you a good evening whilst I slowly unpack/clean and hopefully consume Chocolate.  ‘Evening Folks!

My Holiday

So in addition to my possibly controversial post about what is going on with the world, I thought I would write one about what is going on strictly with me.

I spent a good deal of my holiday in Maryland with my father.  I enjoyed this and we had quite a few experiences.  Last night especially, we heard what sounded like screaming in the back yard.  Perhaps closest to this sound.  I think it might be a bob cat because dad said they are in the area...possibly a fox though.  Either way and eerie thing to hear with only a screened in porch between you and the source of the sound.

Also, my big fat kitten of 10 years passed.  I got him back towards the beginning of high school.  One night last week he was really wanting to cuddle.  So I let him up on the couch with me and we snuggled for perhaps an hour.  His ear was REALLY swollen and hot to the touch.  I had a really bad feeling about it but I knew there was nothing I could do at that time.  So I just loved on him and he purred loundly.  The next day he was found in his little cat bed looking as if asleep.  It was the best way for him to go and I was glad to be home for it.

As for my job hunt.  The Americorps program that was always plan A finally put their application online.  I am a little concerned about the application for this.  If I don't get hired, I am worried because plans B, C, D, E, and F don't look so promising.  Then again if I am hired, that moves GradSchool off another year.  So I just need to have faith that what is supposed to happen, will happen.

Heading up to Ohio, I get my first glimpse of snow this year.  So that makes my heart smile.  Hoping for the best this year, and having Faith that great things will come.  ~Caroline

New Years

The New Years has always been an odd time.  For me, it hasn't been one of those lets celebrate with fireworks and champagne things.  It never has been.  It marks the passage of time, but not in the fun "lets celebrate your life" way that birthdays have been known for.  It's always been more of a "what has happened to the world" sort of way.

It has always been easier to see the negative in the world that grows each year.  Christians saying offensive things that make the news for weeks, while rappers spit whatever venom they want about animal sex with their slave woman.  And then feminists sneaking the lie that abortion is a basic right of all women into their theology.  Lest we forget the incredibly failing mental health and social care systems that leave us wondering what the new year may hold.  Possibly the biggest problem is that people NEED others to agree with them to validate their opinions.  Because of this, we are in a constant state of arguing just so that we can feel that we are right.  If you don't agree...lets agree not to and move on.  :-)

So here we are full circle.  I am in the car heading back to Ohio for a few days after the holiday.  Not dissimilar to the one last year, and I have a lot of time to think.  Yeah yeah yeah...it's easy to peg the negative that has been happening.  But what about the positive?  Let's look into that.

The positive is a little harder to come by, because the news seldom focuses on it.  But here are some things right off the top of my head and feel free to add your own.  Loggerhead Sea Turtle numbers are tentatively on the rise in NC.  There are amazing leaps in the medical field now.  A plane full of passengers were granted their Christmas wishes this holiday season.  And our great Aid Organizations are still going strong.  Long story short.  There is still a lot of good in the world.  And perhaps this year doesn't have to be one to dread, but instead to look forward to.  If we just work together with love, imagine the amazing things that can happen. BEING HOPEFUL IS A CHOICE...and I am making that one now. You with me?