Modus Operandi

mo·dus ope·ran·di

 noun \ˌmō-dəs-ˌä-pə-ˈran-dē, -ˌdī\

: a usual way of doing something; especially :a distinct pattern or method of operation  

(According to Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary)

I have heard the term before, usually in a crime drama. "That's his MO." means that's how he operates.  

So I was thinking about my MO.  How I operate, especially when things don't go my way, when under pressure, when life throws you curve-balls.  

There was a pretty goofy but good movie I watched as a teen called "Extreme Days".  And I stole this quote from it, “We had some random things happen to us; some good, some bad, some you can’t explain, some you don’t want to, but one thing we did learn for sure… When God throws a curve-ball, don’t duck – You might just miss something.”

The problem about curve-balls is that they are unpredictable (and fast!).  And if you know me at all.  I love a good plan.  So, as I sit here on my lunch break with my cherry tomatoes and microwaveable veggie nuggets I am left with alone with my thoughts.

My future is up in the air right now.  I have plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G.  I always have something that is Logical and it is ranked in order so that I can make choices depending on what becomes available.  Then out of nowhere comes something illogical.  It's an 11th month mission trip and it has captured my thoughts.  It is completely illogical and I am most afraid because I don't think that the people I love will understand.  I am also afraid to apply for it because, what if I get it?  What if I get it and plan A?  What if I have to make a decision?  I feel like this is a major curve-ball.  

And my MO?

My MO is to have my thoughts run around in panic!  I have spent a long time faking confidence and it seems that I fooled myself into believing that actually I know what I am doing.  But I don't.  I don't think anyone really does.  Perhaps everyone wakes up in the morning like I do, and asks, "What am I doing?"  Lately, I have been faking confidence with the answer, "waiting for Americorps to accept you and begin."  But seriously?  Is that all that today is for?  I don't think so.  Life is too short to spend your days on ONLY waiting.

I don't know if it is in God's plan at all for me to run off to do missions.  But I do know that it is in His plan for me to pray about it.  To pray about my MO and find out what today is for.  I need to operate in peace. I need to admit that I don't know what is going on, but that God does.  And I need to have faith that He will eventually show me "the plan."