Sickly!

So, I have been sickly for a week now. It started in with the throat hurting, then the voice sounding funny, and now it is up to coughing (which makes me look pitiful because it shakes my whole body), sneezing, runny nose, and fatigue.

But I will tell you all the crazy things I have done this past week....which is probably why I haven't gotten better yet.. (I am not good at resting...)

First of All, I kept going to work.  And in addition to our typical lesson planning (which is becoming more fervent as groups begin pouring in), we got on our wellies (rain boots) and headed out to explore a semi-salty pond here on the island.  The wellies I was wearing didn't go above my knees...but unfortunately the mud did...haha.  I stepped, a few times, into what we like to call, "sink holes to China".  Luckily I never got sucked in deeper than I could chameleon out.  You know chameleons right...those lizards that walk funny...that's how I was walking in the mud while taking PH, temp, and salinity readings.

Anyway, reason number two that I didn't heal was that I went for a run in the rain.  I ran a 5k actually, to raise money for the Special Olympics program.  My friend Laura came down for a visit and we woke up super early, caught the ferry over to Carolina Beach, and ran our 5k in the rain.  It poured like crazy in the middle of the run and I couldn't even see out of my glasses anymore.  But during that last leg (which was in the sand :-P ), Laura was there to cheer me on. :-)  She could cheer because she outran me, like a boss!

Our Tired Faces in the Rain

But despite the sickness, I feel really blessed.  I listened to an amazing podcast on Sunday, I went to pick up the bridesmaids dress with Alesha, which meant going to get wood-fired pizza and chocolate fondue, and lastly I got a care package from home.  It had fudge and scrapbooking stuff which is now all over my floor.  The scrapbooking stuff...not the fudge.  Te he he...

The Dress

Some of you may already know that I am a Bridesmaid in my Alesha's (My Friend/Co-worker) wedding.  Anyway, we had a brilliant day of dress shopping (and eating) and this is what I ended up buying.

I feel like a Forest Fairy Princess

With a Bow...

The Back

So, in addition to buying the dress we went to Michael's for art supplies, and the Mellow Mushroom for a delicious pizza dinner.

I surely do enjoy my times out in the city. And I am hoping for the car soon so that it can happen more.

So you know how I am biking to churches while trying to find the one for me.  Anyway, it was really cold here so I decided to call a cab just this once.  The driver was on the phone half the ride complaining about being in pain.  Then she hung up and explained to me that she was in pain because she crashed yesterday.  (Gulp...buckle seat belt)...she tells me of hitting her ribs on the steering wheel and her lip on the dash.  I was thinking that the only way for that to happen is if you are not buckled.  Then I look at her...and once again she is not buckled.  Ummmm....you think she would have learned from yesterday...but I guess not.

I got to church safely....  Thank you Jesus.

That evening I was feeling very discouraged because I still hadn't found a church family.  But, I got to chat with my CC Pastor from Korea.  And she prayed over me, said great things, and encouraged me.

I wondered why I had to fight for a breakthrough right now.  Especially since I had received such a great one in Korea.  And she said, "Sometimes in the struggle, it is not even about the breakthrough, sometimes it is about the relationship."

So in this time of waiting (not staying...but preparation), I need to draw closer to Him.

Thinking

So, I think that sometimes I over-think.

I was riding my bike home from the bible study at a church I am visiting and I was listening to a Podcast from my Korean Church.  It was about crossing the Jordan River.  Right before the Israelites crossed they paused because God had them be still for a moment.  Then they could enter the promise land.

I am attempting just to BE STILL.  I often force the puzzle pieces of life into spots where they don't belong...then I get frustrated when things don't work out.  As Alesha (my friend/co-worker) says, "User Error."

That was another thing covered in the Podcast.  The Israelites were told to have priests carry the Ark (containing God's presence) before them.  The Ark was the first thing to reach the river.  This is symbolic for us.  We need to be sure that we are following the presence of God to the river that leads to the promise land.  We can't just walk to any river and pray that God's presence shows up and parts the waters.  Then we feel all dejected when it doesn't happen.

So, I think I need to take a moment and not be so rushed to figure out my life right now.  I just need to Be Still.

I thought the water themed paintings would be appropriate.  :-)

My Guide

“If we knew where we were going, what need would we have for a guide?” 

Sometimes I find myself in a rut.  I find it easier to be sad or stressed than to pull out of it.  When stuff like that happens, I usually tearfully call my mom.  And oddly enough, she still has what it takes to make the boo-boos better.

Right now I have a lot of stuff to think about.  I have been blessed to be able to pet-sit this weekend with a friend in town.  The time away have given me time to think.  You already know about my church search...which has proven discouraging since I seem to have many things I want out of a church.

In addition to that, I am considering purchasing a used car.  I have never had a car so I have a few things that make me hesitant:

• I struggle with justifying spending every bit of my savings on a single object, (this coming from the girl who brushed her teeth with baking soda to avoid buying toothpaste during college...and who buys shoes from the thrift store that look better than the shoes she has at home.)
• I am afraid that it could be a money trap and break down the moment I get home...if I get passed the cost of registering it, insurance, and fuel.
• Will I even be in one place long enough to merit having a car?  I don't know what the future holds.  I even had to pawn off my guppy to my mom when I left the country. (RIP Hermi....)
• Lastly, I have never owned a car, so not only is it a big commitment, but at times I find myself questioning if it really a necessity.  Do I even really deserve a car?  It's been so out of reach for so long.

Caroline's Surprised Face...Picture this during the Bike Story.

Well, let me tell you a story about Caroline on a bike.  Caroline is an anxious girl who can't sit still very long.  She decided that a bike was all she needed to use to get around namely because it was free.  One evening, she wanted coffee.  She decided that she would head off the island to the coffee shop.  The thing connecting the islands is a big bridge..that looks even bigger when you have to pedal up it.  I am talking about the sort of bridge that if you stop pedaling on the way up, you start going backwards....and once you are on the other side of the peak you don't pedal at all because the pedals are moving faster then you can move.  All you can do at this point is pick up your feet, scream and let gravity do it's thing.  Long story short, she got her coffee, crossed the bridge again and got back to the Fort well after dark.  This meant that she was riding around with the headlamp attached to her helmet.  The security guard on campus demanded to know who was this coal miner riding around on the bike.

The moral of this story is that maybe Caroline should get a car, and not brave the scary bridge too much...especially if she wants to find a church off-island.

At this point I need to be prayerful.  I need guidance if I am to make this big decision about a car.  And I need to learn to be okay letting Him guide me.  So, for now I am taking a few deep breaths, I'm gonna pet the dog, I'm gonna watch a "How-to" video about oil painting flowers, I'm gonna enjoy my job this week including my birding workshop, and I'm gonna trust that my Guide has all things figured out.

February Already

I changed my little dry-erase calender over to February and found myself not believing how fast time has gone by.  I mean, it's been three months since I moved back to America. And it's hard because I still find myself so wrapped up in Korea.  I guess I just find myself lost at times here...and people try to be sympathetic but they really don't understand.  They have never made a home abroad and then left it.

Anyway, the church search continues.  I don't want to be discouraged but I am fighting this feeling that I will never find the church I need.  I need people who are REAL, with real struggles and testimonies so that they know the true meaning of grace and victory.  I don't want a place full of people who sing about victory but they don't really know it.  I want people who know that there is true POWER in Christ.  I want a church that challenges me daily...not just feeding people baby-food generic sermons.  I want a place with a small congregation that knows me...not just the "I will shake your hand every Sunday but I don't really care about your life..." sort of folk.

I want to be part of true fellowship, people being part of other's daily lives.  And I want a church that doesn't grow in numbers for numbers sake.  I want a church where members don't just receive ..but instead are expected to become active leaders.  This is a place that multiplies, sending folks to new places to start new churches instead of being comfy in the pew.   I need a church where people don't plan their church around their lives but instead, their lives around the church.

Some people may say, "Good luck with that....'cuz it doesn't exist..".  But I know that is wrong, because I already found it in Korea.

But then, there is this fear, that God gave me a church with certain dynamics for a certain time.  And there is a different type of church in my future.  In that case, I don't even know what to look for...

Please pray for me as the search continues.....