Today I was reminded of the reason I cannot seem to get
ahead these days. All of this moving
around leaves you feeling very unsettled, and that is unsettling. I am consistently feeling like I am not at
home (because really I am not), and I can’t seem to find rest since I am always
walking on egg shells…trying not to impose or annoy both our hosts and my team.
Before coming on this trip, I thought I was prepared. I moved around as a kid, I haven’t lived with
family for almost 8 years now, and I lived internationally for a year. But nothing could prepare me for the
unsettling feeling of being unsettled.
We have moved every month, and sometimes more often than that.
Just yesterday we were approached at our host’s home by
moving men and the sheriff. They had a
court order to evict all of us (host and guest alike) due to some legal matter
with our host. So we packed our bags as
the men threw all of the family’s possessions onto the street. Our Spirits were still high as we ate all the
perishables on the curbside until the Pastor (our contact) showed up and rushed
us away before the media could get there.
We are currently staying at his house, eight people in one little room,
until our host gets things sorted.
Though, we are most likely here at Pastor’s home until the end of our
stay here.
 |
| Laura and I eating the perishables wondering what eviction day will hold. |
Last night I lay in my mosquito net, aware of the roaches,
ants, and that HUGE spider that crawled on my leg right before bed. I lay in a house that gets water once a
week. I lay in a home with my 7 teammates
plus the 11 people that lived there to begin with. I lay there and mourn the feeling that I was
finally settling into our first home in Zimbabwe only to lose it. I lay there and mourn the feeling of
entitlement that I have to constantly replace with gratitude. I lay there and mourn the Zim-family I will
probably not see again, knowing that I didn’t get to say goodbye. And I can only stop the crying when I am
tired enough to believe that it will be better in the morning.
AND as always, it truly is better in the morning.
I am blessed to be in the home with Pastor, Mama Pastor, and
the 9 others including a couple little ones.
The baby cries when any of the white people get too close, but I know I
will hold her before our time here is up.
And over breakfast, I had a heart to heart with a teammate
about how exhausting it is to be a guest for a year, and how unsettled I
feel. She had advice on being open to
have God show me what it means to be at home in Him. And to learn to refresh, rest, and be free in
a place that isn’t my own.
There is so much to learn, but I know that God has good
plans for these next couple months. As
my stress levels seem to skyrocket, I just need to know that it’s okay.
(PS. As I type this,
one of the little ones, a three year old boy named courage, plopped down next
to me and is splitting my headphones with me.
As he listens to my indie music he tries to speak to me in Shona (not
knowing that I haven’t a clue what he is saying), and I am limited to saying;
hi, thanks, yes, no, and porridge. He
does get excited when I say porridge.
And sometimes he tries to sing along with the music. Gosh, he is so cute. Gosh, I am so blessed)
To see my Fundraiser Flyer see: http://carolineritchey.theworldrace.org/?filename=fundraiser-flyer-and-birthday-photo
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