The "Failed" Fast

Just to preface this post.  I don't really know what I am doing sometimes, nor do I know why things happen.  And its okay to not always have the answers.

So today was the 5th day of what I thought would be a 10 day fast.  I was attempting the Daniel fast with some members of my mission team.  In this fast you have vegetables and water just as Daniel did in first chapter of the book of Daniel.  He was in exile in Babylon and didn't want to eat of the king's food because the Babylonian meats were sacrificed to their idols. He was blessed to find that his provision came not from the King but from God.

But as of this morning I found myself weak, tired, and stressed out beyond belief.  I called my mother, because that is what I do when I am ready to admit that I don't have everything together.  And we both agreed that I should end my fast because it was hurting more than helping.

I wanted to continue fasting until the end of the 10 days though, and since I needed to get the focus off of me (of my weakness, my tiredness, my failure) I chose to complete the last 5 days by fasting music.  Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big sacrifice that will teach me faithfulness and humility and turn my eyes on Him while bringing His kingdom to earth. BUT, if you think about it.  I live alone and I fill the awkward silence with music at all times.  In the car it is always music that drowns out my thoughts and makes my spirit light.

So now, without that music drowning out my thoughts, how much better to hear that still, small, voice of the Lord?  How much better to process what has just happened with this "failed" first fast?

And to be honest, I don't see the fast as a failure.  I know that good will come of it (if it hasn't come already) and I know that I may never see it or know it.  You see, when something doesn't go the way I want it to, I analyze it until I see the reason.  Perhaps, I am not supposed to know the reason behind everything.  Perhaps as I sit in silence for the next five days, God will choose not to show me why things went the way they did. And perhaps, I will be okay with not having it all together all the time.

Whatever happens I just hold fast to God is good and He has the answers...and that is good enough for me.  :-)

Blog connection: The Sowed Seeds