I don’t claim to be an expert, but after living a year in South Korea, and
quite a bit of time in the Mountains of North Carolina (just as foreign to me),
I thought I would write a blog to help those who may not quite feel as though
they fit in where they are.
- First things first, it’s okay to not fit in. You are not from this place, and that is
okay. Don’t let anyone tell you that you
are in the wrong because you are not native to the area. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for
being different. Even if you look similar,
speak the language, and have been there a while, that doesn’t mean you have to
conform to the culture of the place you are living. (i.e. An Brit living in
Australia shouldn’t be expected to be Australian just because he can look the
part) Which brings me to point two…
- Be proud of your heritage.
There is no shame in being from another place. Embrace who you are and enjoy that it
gives you a different perspective.
You can be as much a teacher to the people around as they are to
you. They may not understand your
culture, but you are an ambassador to them whether you want to be or not. Take the opportunity to share about it.
- BUT, respect the culture around you. As good as it is to be proud
of where you are from, don’t forget that you are in a different place. Be yourself, but make the effort to respect
those around you. Even though you may
get tired of it, living in another culture is a daily effort. You have to make choices many times a day to
do things in a way contrary to what you are used to. You make every attempt to know what is
acceptable in the culture you are living in.
Your job as an ambassador is to not offend those you are meeting in a
new place.
- There is a difference in friends and acquaintances. You need to stress point 3 with acquaintances. You may feel like you are being “fake” by
living out customs or taking on personality traits that are different from how
you were raised, or how you feel like behaving.
But, it was your choice to live where you are living. And it is only polite to those around you to
respect their culture. (If you struggle
with this, use role reversal. Thing how
awkward you would feel if a foreigner forced their culture on you in a social
setting: i.e. an elderly Asian woman starts smacking you on public transit in
your hometown and telling you how to dress…it happens.) However, with friends, you can stress
point 2. Friends already know you, and
they will be a lot more comfortable with you and your customs. They may even be interested in learning more
about your culture. Friends tend to
see the good in the way you live differently from them and can even learn from
it…while acquaintances tend to see differences as too odd, not
understandable…or even a threat.
- Take a break! Living in another culture as stated in point 3 is A
LOT of work. Your mind has to work
harder than everyone else’s. You have to
interpret situations in many more steps than the locals do. A person in their own culture can just react
to outside stimulus with a reflexive or conditioned response that is acceptable
in their culture. You cannot
however. You have to receive the
stimulus, and interpret it (because it can be different than any stimulus you
are used to receiving), then as you begin to react in your mind you have to
slow it down and think about it. “Is
this acceptable here? How will this be
interpreted?” Then you deliberately change
your reaction into a calculated response that is acceptable in the
culture. This has to happen in just seconds
or else you are left mopping up a mess you made, which takes even more
effort. Since all this is unavoidable,
my advice is to take a break! Even if
you are an extrovert and love to be around people, take time to get in a
position that frees you from thinking.
This will help you not to get burnt out and bitter with the place you
are living. (In South Korea, going to
English movies in the Cinema was my break.
It afforded me the chance to not think or respond.)
- Don’t play the blame game. If
you are feeling down, do not blame the place you are living in. Your emotions come from within, and though
they are sometimes in response to external situations, you can truly choose how
you respond to things. If you feel a
certain way, question why that is. (i.e.
“I am tired and sick of putting in effort to live here!” Now analyze that, taking the current location
out of the equation. “I am tired. I think I just need rest. And I am sick of putting so much effort into
the now because I am truly afraid that I am not building meaningful
relationships. Perhaps I need to
strengthen those I have instead of focusing on feeling alone.”
- Remember why you are there!
Assuming you chose to live in your current location, are those reasons
still valid? Give this time. Don’t make decisions based on the way you are
feeling at any one particular time.
- Count the joys. When dark
days come and you are feeling low. List
off, type up, or somehow count the things you like about the culture you are
living in. Believe it or not, you
will be bringing some of these things home when you go back. (i.e. I love that people are so kind
here. I love that it is safe to walk the
streets at night. I love that we can eat
dinner at midnight. I love that I am
close to the beach and the mountains. I
love that they have great public transit.)
- Know when it is time to go home. Whether it is just for a visit or
to stay, you need to know when it is good to go back to where you came from (or
on to where you are called next). It can
be healing to spend time back in the place you are from. But….
- Be ready not to fit into your own culture anymore. As I said in point 8, you will be bringing
back home with you expectations and a different way of thinking. You will forever compare cultures, and you
will perhaps even seem foreign to those you know back home. You see travel changes you, it opens your
mind, and now you have brought back to your little piece of the world the ideas
from another little piece of the world. Embrace
that, but once again follow the advice from point 4. You might be an ambassador to “your own
people”.
Whatever happens friends, know
that you are not alone. Though the
sacrifices of an expat are great, so are the rewards. Be proud that you chose to know more than
your little corner of the world and enjoy sharing this existence with the
people who make it so varied and amazing!
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