Christmas Cooking

I am no food blogger. Though I secretly wish I could cook, eat, and get paid for it. Or better yet, travel and eat. But alas, it probably doesn't work that way anyway.

However, I have been cooking and eating recently... And paying for it in pounds...haha. I need to make a resolution this new year, but that's another story.

Baking had been good since if we #bakeitforward on social media, Food Network donates a dollar to No Kid Hungry. But this next little treat isn't baked. It is pan fried to perfection. Meet Caroline's first Ravioli:

With the help of the Ravioli cutter/squisher (or whatever that tool is called) I have to say that these were probably the tastiest and easiest things to make. The hardest thing was hand shredding the parm..but now I have extra arm muscles on that side.

Unfortunately, we don't have a recipe since my stepmom and I just love winging it in the kitchen. But this is what went in it: ricotta, mascarpone, parmesan, spiral ham my daddy slow cooked a couple days ago, spinach, black truffle salt. The dough is just water and flour, and I didn't see what went into the cream sauce other than heavy whipping cream and the nutmeg I ground to keep my arm muscles strong...haha.

But it was delicious!

O'ahu Living

Being in Hawaii with a local is awesome. I think I am seeing and doing things I wouldn't as a tourist. After stepping off the plane, my friend Kai met me with a Lei...which was something I always saw on TV and of course was overjoyed to get.

We have been to a couple different beaches, and some local eateries, as well as hikes. I got the most helpful spontaneous body-boarding lesson with her dad and caught some awesome waves that I could have never done in the Atlantic.

Also, the Honolulu marathon passes by the house at mile 22 so I have decided to take on the most run road in America and finish the last 4 miles on diamondhead volcano with team "Yoloha", (all of us former missionaries and Kai's sister).

It's really good to be here.

Prospective

It's been a while... But I will probably be saying that often. Alas...here in O'ahu, I have had the opportunity to think.

I purposely came here knowing that seeing old team members in a new light would be beneficial to processing this past year of travel and trial. But honestly, my best processing moment came from an online conversation with a teammate that couldn't make it here.

When I first left the mission field, I was so ready to be done. I was exhausted, indignant, selfish, and hurt. Each emotion building on the next. Recently, I have been reading Danny Silk's, "Keep your love on" and its been a game changer.  Looking back, I was seeing all the ways I failed at communication, love, and selflessness.

However, after this conversation...I saw. That I did the best I possibly could at the time. No 20/20 hindsight, coulda, shoulda, woulda, is gonna change that. And the lessons I am still learning from the times when I wasn't even close to doing well, are priceless.

So, in a slight jump back Mrs. Frizzle in the magic school bus, its okay to "take chances, get messy, and make mistakes." Because coming out of this on the other side is probably the most difficult and rewarding thing I have ever done.

I am so grateful, honored, and blessed.

The Photos I Promised

I finally forced myself to edit the photos from Vermont, and it turns out it was in record time.  I mean, I have only been back for perhaps a week or so.  It was such an amazing experience though, and I would love to do it again.  Moments like that inspire me to have a little art room in my future apartment, where all sorts of creative things happen.

Anyway, here are the promised photos from the paint workshop:

Landing in NE in the Fall!

The Inn

A photo from a walk of ours.

I wish I could paint everything I saw!

Mom and I getting ready for our first lesson.

Wilson Bickford's instruction on snow.

Finished Painting #1...so proud!

Finished Painting #2

Visiting the Store in Weston.

Mom, Wilson, and I with her last painting!  She did so good!

I finally feel the fall again.

Moose Crossing was my favorite sign, though snowmobile crossing was a close second.

Not Just Dust

It’s been a while since I blogged on here, but I did want a break from online sharing, so I guess I got it. But I have a couple things to share now.  The first is to say that I went on a trip to Vermont to an oil painting workshop with my current wet-on-wet idol, Wilson Bickford.  I have wanted to do this for years, and back in February, when I was struggling through Zambia.  I called mom for one of our skype dates, and she suggested that we take the trip when I returned home since there was a scheduled workshop in October.  And being in Africa, it never seemed like it would happen.  I mean, how could I justify the cost?  How could I even consider spoiling myself after seeing so much poverty?  How could I do anything back home when just living abroad was hard enough?  I couldn’t plan…I couldn’t hope.  But Mom did.  And I thank God.  Because, this past weekend was AMAZING.  I want to share more about that and photos soon.

The real reason I am writing however is because I received a letter today.  This letter was written by me back in April.  I was in Malaysia at the time and was probably in one of my darker points of the race.  But I was learning so much even in the pain.  And I wanted to share this letter.  The full disclosure is risky for me, because being open makes one vulnerable, but I think that I am not the only that can benefit from the words from that past struggle.

So here we go:

“Hello Caroline,

                Recently, things have been rough.  Rougher than Bolivia Caroline would ever know.  But death won’t be spoken over you and ‘Mara’ is not your name! 

YOUR BODY MAY BE DUST, BUT GOD BREATHED HIS SPIRIT IN YOU!  You are precious to Him and you can’t help but reflect Him.  It’s natural!  PEOPLE SEE GOD IN YOU MORE THAN YOU DO (BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST CRITIC…ALWAYS HAVE BEEN… But ask anyone.  You are amazing.  And don’t waste your time on anyone who will tell you otherwise.)

AS YOU TOLD ***** [that was a private conversation], ‘Stay Strong & Stay You!’ AND PLEASE: Enjoy!  Life is too short to allow yourself to struggle with that. Release, Be, Enjoy, ______

WHO KNOWS WHAT THIS MONTH’S ROCK WILL SAY? [I collected rocks from each country and wrote a word that described my greatest lesson learned in that country.  My word for Malaysia ended up being “persevere”.]  You are His…and you look like your Father.”

Wow right!  I know this will help me out so much in the coming time and I hope that by being honest, I have helped someone else that needed to hear how awesome they are.

(Vermont Photos to Come Soon...)

Stopping to Smell the What?

I was thinking the other day about my habit of stopping to smell flowers.  I have always, ALWAYS, taken the time to sniff anything that smelled good as I passed by.  Just ask anyone who has gone on a walk with me.  They'll swear that I "stop and smell the roses" more than anyone they know.

But, it struck me hard when I thought about it.  I don't think I really "stop and smell the roses".  Once you think about it, stopping to smell the roses is more than a mindless action.  It is a worthless act without a mindset of gratitude and praise.  Because when taking a moment to sniff a rose, if there isn't appreciation for the existence of that thing, or the smell, or the moment when you don't have to think about anything but a flower....without that appreciation, it's just another motion to go through, and frankly, it would be better to save the time and not bother.

So what does this have to do with life?

As we say in Thailand, "same-same".  Reading a book, hugging a friend, going to work.  So many things that can just be part of the day, without truly being lived.  Until we intentionally use the moment we are given as a gift, we will feel like we are watching our lives go by like a movie.

What am I going to do about this?

Good question.  You can't change the way your brain functions in just a moment.  But instead, I have to begin to form a habit of choosing.  Choosing joy, choosing praise, choosing love, choosing to intentionally live each moment instead of being a victim of time.  So after submitting post, I am going to give a loved one a hug, play with a cat, and eat a chocolate.  And I will do each thing with purpose.  So yeah...let's stop and smell some...whatever.

Behind it all.

I feel like I have be behind time for the last couple weeks.  Just as I get one project done another begins.  And so I have been unable to share things that I wanted to share.  Alas, living was the goal for this year...and living means you don't always get to share it.

I was hoping the busyness would be full of knitting for newborns or painting sunsets.  But, Grad-school is a time consuming beast.  I love it though (but not all the time).

I have been introduced to Kombucha which was a fermented tea that I tried back in college but hated.  Yet recently I decided to try it again seeings how I have been working so closely with a local grocery that carries it.  I don't know if it is the live cultures or what, but GEEE  I have had energy lately to get things done.  And I can't stop now!

With that said, UPDATES:

• I prayed about getting a car.  And within a few days God provided a great deal that landed right in my price range.
• Now that I have a car, I am poor.  So I picked up odd jobs.  I work for a local farm.  I clean Semi trucks, farm equipment, the office, and garage.  The other odd job just started, but I go out for the second time tomorrow with a local photographer to assist.
• A more fun update is that I finally got a chance to play with my own photography at a lake for Labor Day.  Mom and I went out east for some R&R.  I couldn't stop thinking of Grad-work, but now I force myself to set aside recreational reading time once again for rest.

I guess I better go get some more data analysis done before I get behind again.